he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
