I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
