it was like his penis was on wheels.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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