I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
