she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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