Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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