Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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