I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
