i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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