Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize