I feel like I'm in dance class right now
It's like God shit irony all over that family
well most of my day revolves around power hour
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
