So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize