batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize