Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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