Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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