I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
