At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
