the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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