Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Randomize
