Buhtt sex?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Shame is for Republicans.
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