Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
