can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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