You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
