You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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