Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
