I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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