When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
