Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
