im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
