Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You made out with two different species that night
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
