I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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