She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
