He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
