We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
