She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
