nut hugger
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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