You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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