She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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