Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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