i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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