apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
