i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
