At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
