So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Randomize