I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
