I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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