have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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