My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
