i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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