return my video game
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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