Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
