My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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