i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
