you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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