Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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