You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
