i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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