She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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