Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize