when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
