So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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