I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
well you can't waste a boner
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
