I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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