Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
