The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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