we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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