Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
