Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
