Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
