She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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