If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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