i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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