Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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