I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize