They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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