There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
