Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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