Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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