ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
