why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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