Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
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