chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
i believe in u and ur pee
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