So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize
