If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
